How to document broken promises over time
A single broken promise can be an oversight. A pattern of broken promises is information. The difference between the two is documentation - a factual record of what was committed to, when, and whether it was fulfilled. Building that record doesn't require special tools or legal training. It requires consistency and a simple structure.
Why a promise log matters
Memory compresses patterns. If someone fails to follow through on commitments repeatedly, each individual instance tends to feel isolated in the moment. You might think "they forgot again" or "this time was different because..." A written record removes that compression. When you can see seven broken commitments laid out chronologically across four months, the pattern is unmistakable.
A promise log is useful in co-parenting situations, contractor and freelance relationships, workplace commitments, shared financial obligations, and personal relationships where follow-through is consistently inconsistent. It applies anywhere one party's reliability is in question and the stakes of that unreliability are tangible.
What to record
Each entry in a promise log needs five elements.
The commitment. What was promised, as specifically as possible. "They said they'd pick up the kids at 5" is more useful than "they said they'd handle pickup." Include quantities, deadlines, and conditions when they exist.
When it was made. The date the commitment was communicated. If it was in writing, note where - text message, email, verbal conversation followed by a confirmation email.
The source. How you know the commitment was made. A text message you can reference, a conversation you documented with a contemporaneous note, an email thread. If the promise was verbal, note who else was present or whether you sent a follow-up message confirming it.
Whether it was fulfilled. A simple yes, no, or partial. If partial, describe what was and wasn't done.
What happened instead. If the commitment was not met, record what occurred. "Arrived at 6:15 instead of 5" or "never responded to the email" or "completed the task but missed the agreed deadline by two weeks." Factual, specific, without editorial commentary.
Keeping it simple
A promise log doesn't need to be elaborate. A spreadsheet works well: one row per commitment, columns for each of the five elements above, and a date column for when you recorded the entry. A running document works too - dated entries in chronological order.
The format matters less than the habit. A promise log that's perfectly formatted but only contains two entries over six months isn't useful. One that's plain text but consistently maintained tells a clear story.
Set a low bar for what counts as a commitment worth logging. If someone says they'll do something and the outcome matters to you - whether it's picking up groceries, delivering a project milestone, or returning a phone call by a certain time - log it. You can always decide later which entries matter and which don't. You can't go back and log something you didn't record.
Connecting the log to message records
When promises are made in writing - texts, emails, chat messages - the promise log entry should reference the source. "Commitment made via text message, March 3 at 2:14 pm" lets you locate the original record if needed.
For verbal promises, the follow-up technique is effective here too. After a verbal commitment, send a brief message summarizing it: "Just confirming - you'll have the report to me by Thursday end of day." Their reply (or lack of reply) becomes part of the record. Your promise log entry then references that follow-up message.
Over time, the log and the message records reinforce each other. The log provides the structured summary. The messages provide the raw evidence.
What a promise log looks like in practice
Here's a simplified example across several weeks.
March 1: Committed to delivering revised contract by March 5. Source: email thread. Outcome: not delivered. Follow-up sent March 6, new deadline of March 10 agreed. March 10 deadline also missed. Delivered March 14 with no acknowledgment of the delay.
March 8: Committed to attending joint meeting on March 12. Source: text message. Outcome: canceled morning of March 12, cited scheduling conflict. Third cancellation in six weeks.
March 15: Committed to splitting shared expense 50/50 by end of month. Source: verbal, confirmed via text follow-up. Outcome: partial payment received April 3. Remaining balance unaddressed.
Read as individual events, each has a plausible explanation. Read as a sequence, a pattern of unreliable follow-through becomes visible.
Using the log
A promise log serves different purposes depending on the context. In a co-parenting arrangement, it documents a pattern that may be relevant in custody discussions. In a contractor relationship, it supports a claim for breach of agreement. In a workplace, it provides specific examples for a performance conversation or HR complaint. In a personal relationship, it provides clarity for your own understanding of the dynamic.
The log is not a weapon. It's a record. Its value is in its accuracy and completeness, not in how aggressively it's wielded. Present the facts as recorded. Let the pattern speak for itself.
Receipts helps you build and maintain structured records of commitments, follow-through, and communication patterns - turning scattered messages into a clear, chronological account of what was said and what happened.